From Bad To Worse...

20/04/14

Happy Easter!

We're in the new house, and it's ok. It'll take some getting used to though. Luke seems to like it which is a bonus, and he's doing well so far.
However, everything seems to be going wrong! I had a man come out to look at the boiler and it worked for a couple of days and it died last night. A man came to look at it today and the fan is broken! So I have no hot water and no heating! Which doesn't help when Luke doesn't like to wear clothes in the house. I've spent 2 hours following him around trying to get him to keep his clothes on.
I know it sounds like I'm being a bit dramatic and you're sat there thinking 'it's only a boiler', but it's just another thing to add to list of crap. 
I always try to stick to autism and not vent too much about everything else, but sometimes that's hard.
I've been thinking today, and I've come to the conclusion that if there is a god, or karma, or some other mystical and magical force at play in the world, then he/she/it hates me. I must have been really bad in a previous life!
I'm tired of having no choices, or having them taken from me. I'm tired of being dealt the bad hand.

Anyway, I've met some of the neighbours. The man next door lent me his lawn mower when my friend that came to do it broke his. Which was a really kind thing to do. There is a lady in the corner who knows one of my friends. So it may not be that bad here. They've all seen Luke kick off and none of them seem to be all that bothered by him (more the behaviour than Luke himself) which is good. At least I don't have to be on my guard at all times which will be a welcome break.
People say that you get the life you were meant to live. God doesn't give you any more than he thinks you can handle. Well, either god is a total moron and needs to check his crystal ball, or I'm secretly a stronger person than I thought. I'm leaning towards option one!
I try to be an optimist, I try to have faith (not in religion or anything, but in life, in other people, in 'everything happens for a reason'), but it's getting really hard to keep doing that.
People are cruel, heartless and callous.  Life is what it is, there is no purpose, no meaning. You're born, you live, you die.
I find it hard to believe that everything happens for a reason, because some stuff is messed up. I can't think of a reason behind the horrors in this world. I don't just mean my crappy crap, people have it a lot harder and in other ways. I'm having trouble with my optimisation.
It'll come back eventually I guess.

So, my point today, rather than being about autism itself, is that you will never know the answers. The big questions in life will probably never be answered, I guess that's why they are the big questions. People should try to be optimistic,  even when there isn't really anything to be optimistic about. People should try to be kind and think of others. Smile at a stranger in the street, it could make someone's day. All we can do in life is try our best. So try. I understand that it's a bit of a contradictory thing to say after all my moaning, but maybe one day I'll follow my own advice.
Stay safe guys :)