Getting better (hopefully)

27/04/14

Things seem to be improving with Luke since we moved. His behaviour has improved because he's not having to fight for attention, it's easier to stick to routine because there's no one else to worry about. It's taken him a week or so to settle in and get used to it just being the two of us, but so far it's looking good. I feel silly for worrying about it all now!
It gets quite lonely though, when Luke's in bed. I try to phone or text people, but they're either asleep, don't have time to talk or too busy with other people. Again, I guess that's something I'll get used to.
Don't get me wrong, it's not all brilliant but it's not all doom and gloom either. I have bad days and good days emotionally, but as long as there are more good days I can't really complain too much. I need to get used to relying on myself and not others. I need to find my own ways to deal with stress and upset because now I have no one to complain to.
It's quite a strange thing, going from a proper family to having just two people. I used to be able to turn around say something that just popped into my head, and now I can't. I miss that. I miss the constant company.
I find myself rattling round the house trying to find things to do just to keep me busy, where as before I never did. I was quite content just to sit and watch a film because I wasn't on my own. It's strange and it'll take some getting used to, but I guess we'll get there eventually.
It's also hard seeing people's true opinions of you. When we lived with Luke's dad, there was me and Luke, Daz (his dad) and Lauren (Luke's half sister). And the dog! And Daz's sister and neice next door. There was always somebody coming or going, we used to stand and talk over the wall to each other like old people, putting the world to rights. It's hard going from having people, to having no people.
I've moved to a new area. It's not really new, I used to hang out here as a teenager all the time. But I don't know those people anymore. The people I went to school with, even though we went through the whole "let's stay in touch" BS,  all drifted away. Some of them I haven't spoken since the last day of school and that was 6 years ago. Some of them I didn't like, and some of them didn't like me. So I can't exactly go knocking on their door for a friend.
It'll probably get easier when Luke starts school as there will be parents to talk to in the playground and what have you.
I'm trying my hardest to stay optimistic.

It would be easier if people kept their promises though, and showed that they truly care.

So, my point is that Luke is doing well! Yay! He's back at nursery tomorrow (thank God!) And hopefully the routine will be easier then.