28/03/14
Hey guys :)
Sorry, I know it's been a while. I've been dealing with some stuff, but it's all good now.
I want to talk about new beginnings today.
I've been on facebook today and seen that lots and lots of people are having babies! Congratulations to you all!
When I found out I was pregnant with Luke I was scared. And I mean really scared. I was 17 years old and my partners was 14 and a half years my senior (Pausing for shocked and disgusted gasps). I had a life plan, not really a plan - more of a general idea of what and who I wanted to be. I wanted to be an English teacher, get married and have babies. That will probably never happen now, but I'm still happy with my life the way it is.
When I told people that I was pregnant, I got mixed reactions. One of my very best and closest friends told me I was a stupid cow, literally those were her words!
A very lovely lady with 3 very beautiful daughters discussed options with me. Personally, I don't think I could of had an abortion, although at 17 I really wasn't sure that I wanted a baby (I don't need a safe sex lecture, I was actually on the pill when I fell pregnant), but abortion wasn't something that I felt comfortable with. I'm not judging anyone that does have one though.
Life has been a drama with Luke since before he was born. Since my 3rd or 4th scan I was told that Luke was a girl and was told the same all the way through my pregnancy. And out he comes after 42 weeks of pregnancy, 2 days in hospital being induced, 18 hours of labour, gas and air and an epidural, a man with big hands and sharp scissors and 15 stitches. And he's not a she! We'd chosen the name Lily, and then we had to sit and think of boys names. So it's always been drama after drama with Luke.
At 2 weeks old he urinated in his own during a nappy change and got conjunctivitis. At 5 months old he contracted meningococcal septicaemia and nearly died, spending a week in isolation at the hospital. We were told that he could have permanent brain damage. But thankfully he seemed to come through really well. He was different though, I cant really explain it without it sounding stupid. Those of you with children will understand. Even Luke was only nearly 6 months old, he had his own personality. He reacted to each of us in different ways. After the meningitis he didn't know who any of us were, and it broke my heart. It was almost as if my baby had died and we'd brought home a different one. Luke still looked like Luke, but wasn't... It was hard, but we got through it and Luke learnt everything all over again and he did really well. He's always been a clever boy.
When Luke was about 18 months old we realised that he didn't quite match other children his age. The neighbours have a daughter who is only a few weeks older than Luke and she was talking reasonably well, and Luke was still babbling. She could play well with other children and Luke couldn't. I made excuses - girls are faster than boys intellectually, she has 3 older siblings so of course she has to play well with them. But now, looking back I can see that it was all signs of autism.
I never took Luke to soft play or the mother and baby groups because I always worked, I was a passenger assistant, taking disabled children to school, and then with adults to day centres. I worked at McDonald's for a while. I was a carer for the elderly and disabled. So I never had time to do these things with Luke - and I never thought it mattered, I loved him and I made as much time as possible for him whilst also providing for him. Now though, I think that if I had taken him to those things then we would have seen this earlier. Don't take me wrong, I love Luke exactly the way his and there is no 'cure' for autism. But early intervention is key, and the majority of people who have had adequate early intervention go on to lead a relatively normal life.
We missed Luke's 2 and a half year review due to a bereavement in the family and we were never sent another appointment. I should have been on top of it all, but due to distractions at the time it completely slipped my mind.
It wasn't until Luke started nursery that it was blatantly obvious that he wasn't like the other children of his own age, and this time I couldn't make excuses for it.
My point is that a lot of things happen and we never see our lives going in that direction. I had planned to have a baby girl, and then my baby was a boy. I wasn't particularly bothered about the sex of the baby, I just wanted it be happy and healthy. I never planned for my child to have autism or any disability - not that anybody really plans for a disability, but you know what I mean. I had a general plan for him, as all parents do. We imagine the kind of life that we would like our children to have. To be healthy both physically and mental throughout their lives except for silly colds. We plan where they will go to school, and college and university. We think about their wedding and their children and pray that we like their choice of partner!
I have been told by a few professionals that Luke will never lead a normal life. He will never cope in most social situations, he will never cope in a mainstream schooling environment, he will never become a doctor or a lawyer. He will probably need a high level of care throughout his entire life. And yet my dreams for him haven't changed. My son is clever, and I don't mean it how people who have really thick children say "but they're good at such and such". I mean he truly is clever. OK, so his speech isn't great, but he learnt makaton signs with amazing ease and we can effectively communicate 9 times out of 10. He's not great at socialising with others, but if you show him how to do something that no 4 year old should be able to do, he can. So I still believe that Luke has an incredibly bright future ahead of him and I will gently push and encourage him throughout his whole life.
I saw a quote a while ago, I can't remember if I told you it in a previous blog. I'll say it again anyway.
Albert Einstein, one of the greatest ever mathematicians the world has and probably will ever see, had autism. And he once said, "Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree then it will spend it's entire life believing it is stupid."
Einstein was right. Some people are academically intelligent, they go on to be lawyers, doctors, scientists. Others are better at the 'artsy fartsy' stuff. They go on to become painters, writers, actors. And others are happy to be reasonably good at everything and become the 'normal' people. But if you judge one person against another, of course one will fall short in some way and spend his or her life believing that they are not as good as other people.
So, back to my title of "New beginnings", I have had some things fall into place that I'm quite excited about. And I have been challenged to do the '100 days of happiness' - where even on really bad days you have to find something to be happy about. Even something stupid, like you had a lovely cup of tea or the local shop had the chocolate you like... I was challenged because I can tell people I'm happy and that I'm OK even when I'm not. When I'm having a pretty bad day and I can still smile and go on like everything is fine. So today is day number 1.
Today, I am happy that I have 4 particularly wonderful friends, who I love dearly. I wish you all the love and happiness in the world.
So my new beginning starts with finding things to be happy with, even when life sucks.
I think everyone should do the 100 days of happiness challenge because there are far too many miserable people in the world.
