17/6/14
Your children come first. That's the way it's supposed to be and rightly so. And yet I see so many people posting on Facebook "going out tonight" or whatever. And these are people with children and it happens almost every weekend. Don't get me wrong parents deserve to go out and have a good time but not every weekend when they have beautiful, precious children to look after.
My thing is that with "normal" children it is easy to find either a babysitter or a friend or family member to look after your child/ren when you want to go out.
I don't have that luxury. No one is willing to watch Luke because he is such a handful. Finding a babysitter who is able to understand the needs of an autistic child and to be able to cope with him and keep him active is difficult. I don't go out without Luke. Ever. I don't mean that in a partying way, I mean I never leave the house without Luke. Where I go, he goes. I can't set up a date night with my partner because there is no one to watch Luke. Date night for us turns into a dvd that we've probably watched 10 times already.
I love my son, more than anything or anyone, but it makes me so angry to see people that don't understand how good their lives are. I think it is so sad to see these people who don't appreciate the little things in life. They don't appreciate the small things that their children do, or they get a sticker at school and it's no big deal to them. Luke came home from nursery with a smiley face sticker for exceptionally good behaviour and my heart nearly burst with pride.
Perhaps I'm the lucky one? Perhaps the fact that Luke is different makes me appreciate even his smallest achievements that much more.
Do you know what annoys me? How some people say "you're like a super mum!" when I'm not. I'm not the best mum in the world. I do my best and sometimes I make mistakes. Yes, Luke has different everyday needs from other children his age but I do what I have to do. And others who don't know Luke or his diagnosis have nothing nice to say at all. I'm a bad parent because I'm young or his behaviour is bad because he is a naughty child. This isn't fair either. I do what most parents do, which is my best. Surely that's all that can be asked of me? Of any of us?
Going back to my original point, children come first. That's the way it should be. For example, the day before you get paid and you don't have enough food to feed everybody - you feed your kids and skip a meal yourself. That's the way it should be. You need hair dye because your gray hairs are getting beyond bad, but that £6 buys your child a pair of jeans that they need. So you continue to walk around looking like a grandma rather than the 22 year old that you are.
I don't know if it's just the way I was brought up, or my morals. I don't know what it is that makes me think this way when many of the people I went to school with don't. It really bothers me. Not all parents are like this, and I apologise if I offend anyone by saying it, that isn't my intention at all. As I said, parents deserve to go out, let their hair down and have a good time but not at the expense of their child. Not every single Friday and Saturday night. Everything has a middle ground, a compromise. For example I would like a date night. Just once a month to go the cinema or out for a meal with my partner. A few hours with no Luke, once a month. Is that too much to ask for? To have a small break from routines and meltdowns?
People should be more appreciative of what they have whilst they have it. Things can change in an instant. Nobody knows the 'grand plan'. We don't know what will happen or when we will die, or when our loved ones will. So people should try whilst it is still an option. People should be considerate and think of others as often as possible. If you do something wrong you should apologise, but only if you mean it. Tell the people you love that you love them. But you have to show it too. Sometimes words are empty and people need to feel loved as well as be told that they are.
Nothing is guaranteed in life. You can't know 100% that you'll wake up tomorrow. So appreciate what and who you have before its too late.
