28/01/14
When I was at school, I wasn't what you would call one of the popular crowd. However, I had plenty of friends. I had the ability to find something in common with everyone, and therefore was quite easy to get along with. I'm not saying it was a walk in the park - I could be nasty, I could be a bitch, according to a few boys I was friends with I had quite a temper and that usually ended up with painful private areas for them.
I always tried to make people feel comfortable and accepted for who they were. I would fight for anybody who needed it, both figuratively and literally.
My point is, I had friends. I had my inner circle of 4 or 5 people, and I had the outer circle who I always made time for too.
I left school 6 years ago, and I find myself with 3 friends. 3 real friends that I speak to regularly and see occasionally.
I got pregnant with Luke when I was 17 years old, and he was born 2 weeks after I turned 18. A healthy, happy, 8lb 13oz little boy. And then the friends started to dwindle. No one wants to be accompanied by a baby everywhere they go. The invitations to go out stopped, the offers to come round to my house stopped. At this point I had 3 friends. One tried to get with my partner behind my back, so she soon got kicked to the curb! One disappeared into thin air, but one I still see on a semi-regular basis. She has a life, I have Luke and we try to work around each others schedules.
I have 2 friends that have come back in to my life just recently. Well, one was about 18 months go... One is a lovely, lovely person. My bestie :) He works down the road from where I live and so we see each other kind of regularly, it just depends what shifts he's working. I've known my bestie since I was about 7, through a school holiday play scheme. We went because both of ours parents worked for the local council. We lost touch for a few years, but when we started talking again it was like we'd only seen each other yesterday. He's a true friend, and I wish for every happiness for you in the future. Will, your friendship, wisdom and loving advice mean the world to me.
My other friend is Jay. He came to see us last Friday, and is coming again this Friday. He is lovely, funny and he likes my boy. He is patient, and playful with Luke, which I amazing as not people like to be around him for any length of time. I've not seen Jay for about 6 years and it's so nice to be back in contact with him.
So, after people a semi popular girl at school, I am now down to 3 friends. And it's lonely. My days are lonely, with only Luke for company. I love Luke very much, but sometimes it would be nice to have some adult conversation.
People don't like to see us, because majority of them don't understand Luke. They doesn't understand his autism or why he behaves the way that he does. They become uncomfortable and 9 times out of 10 are never to be seen again.
When I try to explain, they think I'm talking about him too much and that also makes them uncomfortable.
On the bright side, people know and understand that Luke is my life. He is my main priority. So perhaps that is why they don't invite me/us anywhere... Who knows. I also don't want to put people on the spot by asking them, and quite frankly I'm not really sure that I want to hear the answer.
Other people who have children don't understand why I was so excited and proud of the little things that Luke accomplishes. Luke finally came out of nappies 6 weeks ago. He is now completely dry at night time!! YAY!! But other parents don't understand why that is such an achievement for us. But it is! We were told that Luke would be severely behind everyone else, even our paediatrician is amazed that he is toilet trained. Luke's achievements may seem like small things for the people whose children have already accomplished it or did it long before. But everything is an achievement for us, when he doesn't manage to do something I don't see it as a failure - it is merely a stepping stone towards an achievement.
People often ask me how I'm so optimistic all the time. I'm not. I have days where I don't want to get out of bed (not just because it's warm and super comfy!). I have days where I need to beg somebody else to watch Luke because he's having a bad day and I can't take any more. But I always put a smile on my face, I always try and tolerate the vast majority of people who decide to judge Luke's behaviour and come up with the wrong answer. If they catch me on a bad day I usually rip their heads off like a mama bear protecting her cubs (hence the name).
I've had this thing, almost a mantra, since I was about 11. It's really quite simple, and not all that unique. Many people have the same one.
Mess with one of my people, and I will mess with you.
This has applied to both my friends and my family, and still does now. If any of my friends needed me, I would be there. I almost get something going on that resembles Liam Neeson in Taken. You know the whole "If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have any money. But what I do have is a particular set of skills, skills that I have acquired over a long career... Let (insert name here) go now, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will find you and I will kill you".
So, I haven't acquired skills over a long career, but I have acquired skills from martial arts. I wouldn't literally kill someone, but I'd kick their ass. Both of my kids know this, I will always have their back.
We had a bit of a strange weekend. Luke has been super sensitive to everything this weekend, and had a few meltdowns over Saturday and Sunday, so my Liam Neeson/Mama Bear thing came into play a few times.
I've found something amazing though. On eBay, I've little cards (business card size) to hand out to people who feel the need to stare and comment about Luke's behaviour. They explain that he has autism and why he's behaving the way he is and then very politely says that I am happy to answer questions, but rude comments and stares aren't very helpful. I have some on order!
Anyway, it turned out that Luke hasn't been feeling very well. He was sick yesterday morning before nursery, and so has had to have 2 days off. Luke is verbal, but not very much. He has limited vocabulary and struggles to communicate his wants and needs to us - but majority of people can't understand a word he's saying. So he couldn't tell us that he didn't feel very well - and I was dragging him round the supermarket and such like as normal.
Just because people can't speak, doesn't mean that they have nothing to say.
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